A part of me
by helaluvE
Summary: Post captivity story based on spoilers. it's a three part story and it's Jate! yay! Enjoy and review please.


Disclaimer: I don't and will never own. Lost! It would be really great though!

A/N: Hello guys! This is my second Lost story! I hope you'll enjoy it. It will be a three part story and it's post captivity. I don't think I really need to say it but it's Jate.

**_Part one: Keep going_**.

Kate slowly opened her eyes and sighed heavily. She rubbed her eyes and opened them again. She turned around to lie on her back and looked around her shelter. She slowly and tiredly sat on the edge of her "bed" and put her head on her hands, wishing the dream she just had was true. She had dreamed of Jack again, she had dreamed that he was back and that he was with her. She sighed heavily, knowing that will not happen.

It had become a daily morning routine. Everyday, at the same time she would open her eyes and repeat the same gestures. She did not know where it came from but she knew it had begun the first morning after she and Sawyer had came back from the Others' camp. They had returned two weeks ago and things have changed since then; she changed. She thought she had changed since the crash but it was nothing compared to what she had became now. She was an empty shell, her heart and her soul were gone and probably for good.

Before their capture, she was getting used to life on the island. Black smoky frightening security system, polar bear, deaths, constant fear, the Others, the lack of decent food and beds; it all had become their lives and somehow, in an odd way, she was liking it. Here she was someone, people cared about her and she cared just as much about them. It was new to her, she had friends, and she was a part of something…a family.

But since her return, she hated her life again. She was back in what was her home and was safe but life did not seem worth it anymore.

Jack was her strength, the reason that kept her going everyday in this hell. Now all she had left was her broken heart, the loneliness that was overwhelming her more and more everyday and her anger toward him. The only reason that kept her waking up everyday was the hope of seeing him again.

Everyday she remembered that day; the day that changed her forever and broke her heart into millions of little peaces.

_Flashback_

She was seating on her bed in her cell. Her mind was a thousand miles away from her body. She was thinking. In this place, thinking was all she could do. Feeling was not aloud. It was not such a big problem to her; throughout her life, she had learned to shut off her feelings in order to keep living. So, she thought about her life before and after the crash, and how it changed. She thought about her friends Charlie, Claire, Sun, Sayid, Hurley and the other survivors. She thought about Aaron and aloud herself to smile, wondering if he had grown up and how Claire was holding up. She thought about those who were gone, Boone, Shannon, Ana-Lucia, and Libby. She thought about Michael and Walt and found herself hoping they were Ok. She realised she did not resent him for what Michael did to them. Sure, she was angry but she understood why he did those things. After all, she was the last person who could judge anybody for their bad actions. She knew to what length someone could go in order to help or save somebody they love. Most of the time she was thinking about Jack and Sawyer, hoping they were safe. She knew how cruel and merciless these Others could be and hoped that her friends were doing better than she did. The last time she had seen Jack it was the day of their capture and even if she had forbidden all emotions, she could not help feeling scared and guilty.

That was what she was thinking about when the door of her cell opened. She quickly looked up, just in time to see a handcuffed Sawyer thrown in the room. The door closed and he got up, steadying himself, his brows creased in anger. She threw herself in his arms. She was so relieved to see him. They saw each other two days ago and he was in a bad shape. He seemed better now, even if the bruise in his cheek caused her to wince.

"Thank god!" she whispered in his shoulder.

"You're Okay, Freckles?" he asked and she smiled when she realised how much she had missed his southerner accent.

"Yeah, I'm fine." She said reassuringly. "You?" she said touching his bruise with the tips of her fingers, her brows creased in concern.

"Fine." He said shrugging but winced, putting a hand at his shoulder. She raised her eyebrows. "Well, they must be tired of my somewhat uncontrollable behaviour." He said making her chuckle lightly.

"What's going on, why they brought you here?" she asked as they sat next to each other in the bed.

"Dunno, they said I had to wait here with ya."

"Wait for what?" she asked, worry obvious in her voice.

"I don't know Kate."

"Where's Jack?" she asked, her tone desperate. The deep concern in her voice still annoyed him. She was with him now but she still had that sparkle in her eyes every time the doctor's name was pronounced.

"I just know as much as ya do." He said tiredly, trying to hide his jealousy. "I'm sure he's ok, though." He said after a little while, feeling the need to reassure her. He did not know if he was sure of it but he sure as hell hoped so. He would never admit it, even under torture (which had become daily routine to him) but he was worried about the doc as well. She laid her head on his shoulder, needing comfort and enjoying his presence.

It was easy; being with Sawyer was the easiest thing in this place.

They stayed like that for thirty minutes before the door opened again and the man they knew as Henri Gale came in.

"Hello." He said featuring his wicked smile, the one that sent cold shivers down Kate's spine. The prisoners looked at him, worry in their eyes, waiting for him to speak and fearing what he would want from them today.

"There's news. Good news." He said seating in the chair next to the bed. "You're free." He said simply, still smiling. Kate and Sawyer exchanged sceptical looks. "In a few minutes now, Alex is going to led you back to your camp." Thousands of questions and thoughts run through both of their minds but Sawyer came up with the more obvious one.

"Why?" he asked, his jaw contracted in anticipation.

"We don't need you anymore." Henri replied as simply as if he was talking about the weather.

"That's it?" Kate asked bitterly and both men noticed the incredulity in her voice. Henri just nodded.

"What about Jack?" she asked.

"Jack's staying with us." He said with such a happy smile that it made Kate shiver. She could not believe that.

"No!" she shouted, getting up.

"Yes and we're really glad because it's his decision. Apparently he was tired of waiting for you." He said, his smile growing widely, just as much as her anger.

"What do you mean?" she hissed.

"He's staying with us, with Juliet." He said getting up. Kate felt her heart fell in her chest and she slowly sat down. Her eyes were burning but she was afraid to cry in front of Sawyer. Henri headed toward the door and opened it. He turned to face them again, his wicked smile never leaving his features.

"Thanks for your help." He said with a nod and left.

End of flashback

She remembered the way back home. She still could feel the numbness that had filled her entire body. It took two days and a half for Alex to bring them back. She remembered the joy and relief when the survivors saw them coming out of the jungle. She also remembered the looks in everyone eyes when Sawyer explained them that Jack was not coming back. She saw sadness, anger, fear, helplessness and even sorrow. She knew too well what they were feeling.

Despite some bad and sad moments, life kept going on in the camp and nobody heard from the Others or from their ex-leader. They all still hoped that Jack would regain his mind and come back to them, where he belonged but two weeks had passed and there was no sign of him.

Saying that Kate was the most affected by his absence would be an euphemism. The couple that she had formed with Sawyer was over now. Sometimes she even wondered if they really were a couple. They exchanged some kisses when they were held captive but they were more like comfort kisses. Neither of them knew how or why it happened but it did. The Others only aloud her to see Sawyer and it must have been the scary circumstances that brought them closer. Once they got back to their camp, things returned to normal between them. They did not even discuss it. They were still close friends but nothing more. In fact, their dramatic adventure had sealed their friendship forever, sharing something that none of the survivors could understand, not even Claire.

He understood that she needed space and that she was devastated from the loss of Jack. The moment he saw her distraught and distance gaze in the cell when Henri freed them, he understood. She never was his. She was scared and lonely and he was her only source of comfort. That is why it happened. If anything, Sawyer was a very proud man. He could not bare the thought of sharing her with anybody, especially Jack. Moreover, he never was the long and serious relationship type. He did not commit, he never did. Kate was his exception and being her friend was enough for him.

Kate finally got out of her tent and headed to Claire and Charlie's shelter. They were a couple now and they never seemed happier. Her friends were her only source of happiness. She smiled as she watched the re-composed family in their morning routine. Charlie was carrying Aaron in his arms while Claire was eating her breakfast.

"Morning." She said with a warm smile, a real one.

"Morning Kate." The couple chorused making her smile again. She sat next to them and Claire handed her a bottle of water and two bananas.

"Eat!" she ordered in a motherly tone that made Charlie laugh and Kate roll her eyes. She ate, knowing that her friends were just worried about her health. She was not eating nor sleeping much lately.

Most of the camp was still asleep and Kate enjoyed the quietness.

Claire, Charlie, Kate and Aaron were always the firsts up. They would eat breakfast together. Mornings were always peaceful. Kate loved time spent with them. It was simple. They never asked if she was okay, even if they wanted to, because they knew she was not. They would just sit and sometimes, when Kate was in the mood, they would laugh about the latest gossips of the island. Who is sleeping with who and where?

"Kate, I think I forgot one of Aaron's blankets in your shelter yesterday." Claire said looking through her son's bag.

"Yeah, I know, I saw it. Wait here; I'll go get it for you." Kate said with a smile and got up. She made her way to her shelter, enjoying the feeling of the cool sand between her bare tows. She was looking down at her foot and she did not see when he came out of the jungle. Before entering her tent, she titled her head up and froze. He was there. Standing still, his hands on his hips, scanning the camp. His warm and beautiful eyes fell on her and their eyes locked.

A/N: that's the first part of _A part of me_. I hope you liked it. I know there wasn't much dialogue but I had to explain the situation. I hope it didn't bore you to death, if so, please excuse me. Please review! I love reviews.

_Finding forever_ readers, don't worry, I started working on chapter eleven, it should be up soon.


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